Cloudy. 2 pm. High cliff. Lots of rocks at the bottom.

No one around... except for a teenage girl, who stood at the edge of the cliff.

"It's the same every day... Noisy apartment, bad streets, boring school, guys who won't leave me alone, girls who continue to bully me, and then..." She took a deep breath, and sighed. "Then it starts all over again. It stinks."

She looked down at the water sadly. "And I doubt it'll be any better anywhere else. Not like I can afford to move, anyway."

"Guess the best thing is to just end it all..."

She closed her eyes, then walked off the cliff, falling toward the rocky waters below.

THE END

...

Okay, not really.

"This is taking longer than I thought..." The girl said, then bravely opened her eyes. What she saw was... "Clouds? Why clouds...?"

"Yo!" Said a boy, who was holding on to her.

"Huh? Where did you...?"

"Hold on, we're about to go down."

"Down? Why are we even..." They started to plummet toward the water... again. "UUUPPPPP?!?!"

--

"That was something, huh? Was it too much for you?" The boy said, waking the girl up.

"A beach...?" The girl rubbed her eyes. "Wait, am I still alive?"

"Of course! You just fainted when we went down!"

"But how?!"

"How what?"

"How are we still alive? The rocks..."

"The rocks? Don't worry, the cord was short enough so we wouldn't hit them."

"Cord?" She looked above, and saw a long cord attached to the cliff.

"Yeah, a cord's an important thing to have when bungee jumping!"

"Bungee... jumping?"

"Did you not know you need a cord? No wonder you weren't using one! Good thing I was there to save you."

"I wasn't bungee jumping!" She said angrily.

"Huh? Then why'd you jump off that cliff?"

"I was trying to... kill myself."

"HUUUH?!" He said, flabbergasted. "Now what would make you want to do something like that?!"

"My life's horrible. I just want it to end..."

"But there's so many great things you probably haven't even seen yet!"

"Really? I highly doubt it."

"There is, really! You just have to know where to look!"

"Not in my town, that's for sure..." She then realized something. "Wait, who are you? I don't think I've ever seen you before."

"Oh, that's because I'm not from this town. I'm here on vacation."

"Well, you chose a bad place to take one."

"Really? You sure?"

"Yeah. So, what's your name?"

"It's Onayu! At least I think so..."

"How can you not be sure about your own name?"

"Dunno. It's like it's my name, but at the same time it doesn't feel right, y'know?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about..."

"That's fine. So, tell me your name now!"

"Oh, right. It's Suza."

"Suza, huh? That's a great name! Make sure you remember it, so you don't forget it like me."

"I-I'll make sure..."

"So, want to here about my journey to this place? It's pretty interesting." He said, looking excited to tell her.

"Sure, why not? It's not like I have anything else better to do." I mean, I was planning on having been dead by now...

"Okay! So here's what happened..."

--

As I stared into the crazed eyes of the dancing fat lady, I immediately knew that my father had died in the fire 19 years, 56 minutes and 16 seconds ago. The thought struck me painfully. I reached out and stopped Johanicus's dancing chest.

"Boy, why did ya stop my grooving hour?!"

"Tell me Johanicus, did my father die in the fire of 19019?"

"No..."

"Johanicus, there is a burning fire in my intestines that tells me that you are completely and utterly telling a taradiddle."

"That's just gas. You had a burrito this morning, didn't you, Yawey?"

"My name's not Yawey. And leave the burritos out of this!"

"Whatever you say, Yawey."

"16 18 12 14 7! Those were the numbers on the lottery ticket you bought." I showed her the ticket. "The same day you killed my father!"

"W-what are you talking about? I don't gamble!"

"Then explain... THIS!" I pulled out my dog, El Pinio, and shoved it in her decayed mouth. Johanicus screamed, barfed out El Pinio, and wiped the dog doo-doo off her tongue.

"I can explain! Remember the day you went to the ghettos and saw that starving ostrich? I had to! I had to, Yawey! You know ostriches and ham."

"Ham? My father is not a ham! He is prime beef! How dare you!"

"... Touché."

"By the way, that dog poop you ate so happily? There was a bomb inside!"

"NOOO!!!" Johanicus then exploded.

"I have avenged you mother... I-I mean father." I then grabbed a child who was running across the sidewalk, tickled his kneepads, and left him to eat the grass right next to me.

"I love grass! Moo!" said the ugly little child.

"You're supposed to be an alpacan goat, moron!" I said, then kicked him lightly.

The child started to cry, until his tears became grass.

"I'm melting..." The boy slowly started to fade away while I cheered:

"I scream for ice cream!"

A man in a striped shirt walked by for some reason. "What kind of world do we live in?"

"What kind of world do we live in where guys wear striped shirts?"

"What is that supposed to mean, you rude boy!"

"At least I'm not about to explode."

"What are yo-..." He exploded before he could finish.

"I scream for explosions!" I climbed a tree and started yodeling. All of the sudden, it started to rain geese.

"My yodeling worked! Now I know... that my father is in a better place." A feeling of happiness overcame me. I stood on top of rock, watching my nose hairs blow in the breeze.

I belched my favorite song until my throat shattered. All I had left was a small piece of flesh attached to my neckbone. I fell in agony.

"Burritos... rule." I whispered dramatically, letting my perfectly living father stroke my hair.

--

"And that's how I died." Onayu told Suza, after he finished his story.

"What did that story have to do with anything?!" Suza exclaimed angrily. "And how the heck can you be dead if you're standing right in front of me?!"

"Oh, wait a sec. I think that might've been the wrong story."

"No, really?"

"So anyway, will you show me your town? I want to see it!"

"You really want to see my town? Sure, whatever... Although it might destroy that enthusiasm of yours..."

--

And that's how Suza first met Onayu...

Chapter 1 End