Root and Berry Retreat
Episode #01 - The Arrival
By: CS-Yellow

Seade
I didn't want to go on this dumb Root and Berry Retreat. Nobody did. But, of course, I was one of the three that got picked. Just my luck. I'm sorry if you don't know what a Root and Berry Retreat is. I didn't either, until I was picked to go. It all started one day when I asked my father," Why is my name Seade? Why couldn't my name have been, like, Jennifer, or Nina, or something like that?"

Harold
I never understood my daughter. She's always been a weird, quirky nobody with a no-good name. Don't blame me; I didn't name her that dumb name. It was all her mother, who died a hour after Seade was born. " Name her Seade," she whispered. "For her destiny is to be a Seader."
What kind of nonsense is that? I wanted to name her Harolda. There's no arguing with Harriet, even though she's been dead for fourteen years. So the name on her birth certificate stands
"Seade Bury Root."

Seade
I have this dumb teacher named Mr. Dindah. Mr. Dindah teaches Environmental Science. He always wears this weird hat with dead bugs pinned to it. I once asked him what was up with his hat. His reply was, "Don't you dare mock my bug collection!"

Mr. Dindah
I recently was asked to supervise a Root and Berry Retreat by the school principal. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity. I was asked to bring three students. Seade was an obvious choice, with a D- in my subject. Her name is so cool, so she would definitely love it! Next, I picked Mulch. Mulch's real name was Mulchitis Flynn, but everyone called him Mulch for obvious reasons that I don't understand. The last child to pick was hard, so I just chose this kid named Cougarr. He liked to roar for some reason.

Mulch
Okay, first of all, I don't even know either of the kids I'm going with. All I know is that their names are Seade and Cougarr. Wow. As soon as I found out their names, I laughed until I barfed into a nearby trash can. I mean, my name is WAY more normal.

Cougarr
ROAR. That's what I say to everyone.
"Hey, Coug, you wanna shoot some hoops today after school?"
"ROAR."
" Are you hungry, Cougarr?"
"ROAR."
"Help me, I'm choking!"
"ROAR."

Mr. Dindah
"Okay, kiddies, line up!"
"There's only three of us."
The voice comes from Seade. Her black-lipsticked mouth spits out the words like mucus.
"Now, Seade, that is quite enough." She rolls her eyes at me.
"Yeah, Seade," sneers Mulch.
"ROAR."
I gather the children up and instruct them to get in the van. They all sit separately.
"Hey, y'all, stop sitting all by your lonesomes. You'll be on this retreat for a year, now. Might want to start BUDDYING up," I say enthusiastically.
"No way."
"Dream on, Dindah."
"ROAR." I cross my arms and reply,
"Cougarr, it is extremely impolite to ROAR at people. It gives a bad impression."

Seade
Mr. Dindah sings the oldies the whole car ride, which takes about THREE DAYS. We would have been there in a few hours but no, he refused to go over five miles per hour.

Mulch
We're here now. The place just looks like a plain old forest to me. I pull on my sweatshirt just as Mr. Dindah replies, "We've arrived, kiddies!" That "kiddies" junk is really starting to annoy me. We are NOT little kids, much less kiddies.

Cougarr
We're here. Roar.

Seade
I step out of the junky van. All I can see is trees and grass and nature. I hate nature.
"Okay, let's get our tents set up, shall we?" Mr. Dindah asks, smiling and clasping his hands.
"No, we shall not," I reply.
"Now, now, little Seade-ling, let's not get testy with me, OR I'LL GET REALLY ANGRY!"
"MY NAME IS SEADE." I am enraged and already having a horrible time.